Almost Haiti

It is so difficult to stand by - SITTING comfortably in my living room, actually...cup of coffee, fairly reliable computer with very reliable electricity and not feel complacent. Human nature, I guess.
Yet my mind is every hour on what Haiti is, at this moment in time. Not just destruction and terrible lack of drinkable water and food. These could be resolved fairly easily if the wheels of aid and honesty worked. And if they reached farther, equally, than the capital. I feel mainly that life and hope have been taken roughly from them. What little hope they had must be dwindling fast.

People ask me (me???) about poverty. About poverty in 'developing nations'. I think they honestly want to know, from their very safe place (look who's talking!) what it feels like to be poor. Because we cannot understand. Really can't. I have come to the conclusion that, aside from famine through circumstances, poverty is measured only by what others have. You do not know poverty when everyone lives the way you do. Nepal is not poor. Some areas need help and they are so ready to move ahead. That's not poverty.

We love to put a degree of blame on them: "Well, look at their government..." and "if they only took care and were honest (huh?) about all that aid..where is it going, anyway?" SEVERAL times I even heard "How come 'those Haitians' look so clean? I thought they were so poor!"
Even "Well, I saw a market on TV, and it looked like they had PLENTY of food!!"
HELLOOOOO- ANYONE HOME UP THERE??
You won't believe the excuses for our riches I have heard.

Gratitude? What do we know about that? Horn of plenty?
You do not need two shawls when everyone has one. As a man in Haiti asked Sander when he showed his camera "But why? Why would I need that? Why do I need a picture?" He doesn't need it and is satisfied.
Haitians are poor because they have been robbed blind for centuries, by others and by their own. They see the rich (mostly white - a black armed guard sitting next to them) driving in shiny Mercedes SUVs, shopping at the fancy big market in PaP (thank heaven it already opened again!) where armed guards protect the 'right' (from entry of the poor without the proper identification) that allows them to purchase better food, better quality.

How can I be here? How can I not?
I cannot leave my family, certainly never Carl. That I am not willing to give up. And giving up family is not necessry. But just about everything else I could. I really think so. Am I willing to put it to the test? Hmm....maybe...maybe not. I'm no different than anyone else: a creature who loves her comfort, fridge full of food, soft bed, a car that actually starts, tons of books and at least 3 shirts on my back. And I will part only with that which is convenient. Bless my soul with what I (and you) give, and I tell myself I've 'done good'. Right. What is 'good'? What does it really mean? How much suffering do others need before I 'get it'?

Do you ever feel, after having been on vacation somewhere, really close to the new people you have befriended? You promise to write and, in some cases, the relationship is close enough that you actually do. You want to see them again and feel that special closeness. The laughter, the great conversations and the quiet times over a glass of excellent wine.
For me it is that way with Haiti. They have become my family. Part of heart and soul and when they cry, I try hard not to because I am afraid that when I start, I will not be able to stop. We laugh, we look into each others' eyes. We drink coca cola (safe), look at books with pictures and we hug. I feel I have three families: my own nucleus, my dearest friends and extended family, and Haiti. I wish so much that my girls, even one of them, would take just ONE week to come and feel what I feel. As Sander and Carl have. It would enrich their lives beyond anything they could imagine. In a really good way. I just want to share that feeling. The people. The friends
But I have to (and do) honor their needs and spaces in life.

So how to get back to how I started. I have no clue what to say, what to offer. My tears don't do them any good. THEIR strength and unbelievable resilience is what keeps those who visit going. The Haitians always seemed to have hope. Still: they are hungry. Now they are not only hungry: they are helpless. Their own people bribe them $7 for a food coupon that was distributed for free by world aid. Goodness...now WE would never do such a self-serving thing!

OK. I'm rambling. I'm sad. I am trying to get from the DR to Haiti and right now I don't know how and the days are ticking by.

We are already starting to forget Haiti, because they are no longer in the headlines. How sad to have to remind you "I told you so!" More: you have to google "Haiti earth quake today" or "Saint Mark, Haiti, today". We have to work for it - make an effort. Efforts are good.
We, here, NEED to trim our trees and fertilize the fields. We MUST pay our taxes on all the money we made last year and we HAVE to look into better schools for our children, after we organize that vacation to the Caribbean. I'm no different.

Time to pack this blog up. Have to go upstairs and take a hot shower, take my expensive meds and figure out what I want for breakfast. So much to do...

Sorry for spewing my thoughts. Had to. Not to you but for myself.
Please keep up the good work, my friends. And thank you for your trust as I try to be responsible about all you contributed.

Marianne