Nepal edging (flying) closer

Nepal.
Mountains higher than the sky...the mountains I pretended to see as a child, laying on my back in the cold, wet grass of the Dutch polderland, staring at the billowing clouds that could be my Himalayas.
I excitedly saw the people with funny hats and strange features, speaking mysterious languages, in my very favorite TinTin books. Kuifje by Herge. The one :"TinTin in Tibet", the one that has never left my desire to go there. The one that just came (in English!) from Amazon today, and brought all those mysterious desires for 'the far away' rushing back.
What do I expect when I get there? Is it easy-scary-fantastic (as in exploding fantasy)- amazing?
It is all such an enigma and I wish I had a wisp of an answer.

I keep thinking about the relativity of 'helping', of 'improving', of 'bringing a better world'. Is that what this is supposed to be? Should it? Why? Or perhaps: why not??
My firm(?) belief in Food, Healing, Education to lead on to Independence is rocked at times to the point that I am scared of myself, of what I hope to do. "Peace", non-combative existence, is such a big part of this. And then I ask myself what I think it means. And my answers are consistently contested by myself. I have no answers.
I do not (not!) believe in 'missionary' work of any kind. I will not bend other people's will according to what I believe. I do wish I had more time to spend so I can understand that they believe. That I feel to be useful for continuing to think about the reason of other people.
I do believe, however, in offering others what has been important in my life. Offering only. And that's where my battle begins.

Education of any kind is at the top of my list. It provides absolutely everything we could possibly need. Health, shelter, food, heat. Safety. Community of family, village, and radiating outward. Being able to share beyond survival. Creating more for many, each to be able to look beyond struggle lasting from life to death. Chances and choices. Especially choices. Choices become tools for the wealthy - and wealth has a different meaning.
Schools, books, teachers, universities, Healthy land, well-built structures and sane people making decisions in the name of others. People who are willing to be angerous in decisions for the sake of growth and exploration, from philosophical writing to science
And do I, even in some miniscule manner, have the right to judge another culture to need this?
As the man said to the visitor: "What is that? A camera. What do you need a camera for? To take pictures. Why? So I can have a picture of you. Why? So I can remember you. Why?

Do we need what we need, or only what we are told we do not have?

When I bring my "mission" of education, of 'being able to cope with the outside world', to be able to fit in (heck, neither Carl nor I ever did!) with development of technology, when I show the art of the rest of the world, the music, the computers, the t-shirts...have I done them a favor? Is it right?
Should people be left alone? What if another culture takes over, because they are, in innocense, vulnerable? Like the IK tribe in Africa? Watch them without intereference?

At this point I feel that they interfere far more with me than I with them. And that is good. Their interference (Haiti, Bulgaria, Kyrguzstan) has had such an explosive impact on me. I thank them all.
I hope it stays that way. I hope I can carry away a little wisdom, and that I have left a little. I hope I do not present myself as someone from anything-at-all better than they, whether advancement, size of country, experience, on and on. I hope I can just learn, and be there for them for what they wish to keep. But for now I find it difficult to understand the wisdom of it all.
I'll just let Hari and his people tell me when we get to Butwal. I pray we give more than we destroy, that we receive more than we understand.